crackillzu (crackillzu) wrote in pro_smack,

what have i become

my sweetest friend...i'm so soooo sorry...
i'm high.  on meth.  on ghb.  i'm high and i'm home.  alone.  this is the best tina and g you can get in NYC, trust me.  i work and do crystal meth.  i smile and shake hands and say, "how are you doing?" and pretend to care.  i pretend like a mother fucker.  i pretend like everything is just swell.  my girlfriend is well was home picking at her skin, tearing her beautiful face apart, smoking, slowly losing her mind, begging me us to stop doing this shit.  she couldn't handle it.  not like me.  now i sit here.  high as a motherfucker, this shit is good.  alone.  she should go far away.  i love her too much.  what have i become?  who am i?  can i escape this?  and do what?  and be who?  the "real" me?  i hate the real me the real me is too shy to ever speak his mind,  anxiety nervousnes god dammit i just wanna i just wannai'm going to take a hit and do a scoopand stay locked in this fantasy this hell disguised as heaven.  everyone i know goes away in the end. 
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